My Twin Home Birth

This was written at 2 years postpartum, I'm publishing it here 10 days from 8 years postpartum.

It was my honor to have carried these babies nearly 40 weeks, a deeply transformative experience I'll never not be in awe of.

First of all...

lower your expectations, because this is coming to you 2.5 years postpartum and they’re still not the greatest sleepers -some parts are fuzzy. I’ve convinced myself it will get better, but then I remember the 6 & 3 year olds who share a birthday, and absolutely nothing else. I’ll start by stating that I had no idea I was having twins until my first ultrasound, at 22 weeks! I had planned to get one ultrasound around the middle of my gestation, I wasn’t in a rush. I was birthing with the midwife who supported us during the home birth of our daughter Aria; that wasn’t a question. That birth was magical, maybe I’ll write about it…eventually. She’s almost 4 so again, low expectations. After a couple of suggestions from my midwife(we will call her S) and some curiosity, because the joys of motherhood and the miracle of life, I went! She suspected it was twins after my prenatal earlier in the day when she noticed the variables in their heart rates, she was right. I’m more than half way through a twin pregnancy that no one expected me to go full term with(you would be amazed by the number of people who assume your twins will be born both prematurely and/or via cesarean), I’m vegan, so bonus points for the masses believing me to be malnourished and infertile(nutrition is a huge part of twin pregnancy, ALL pregnancies) and definitely not signing up for an automatic cesarean just because my body had the honor of creating two babies instead of one! I spoke with S, found out that not only was this possible, but there were two other midwives(the super duo, M & J) also experienced in twin home birth willing to attend. I scraped pennies to pay out of pocket for this birth, but I won’t touch on the legalities of that state or the politics of birth, today. I will say, now that I’m a doula and a future midwife and know the cost of this work and the heart some of these midwives and other doulas have, I wish I could have paid them more. Before I start, I want to clarify that I understand some women birth twins unassisted at home and it goes beautifully, some women birth them in operating rooms and love their experience, and many fall somewhere in between. Do you. This is my story.

The Birth of Ava Simone

Thirty-nine weeks and five days pregnant, at 3AM on March 20th, I woke up with contractions. It was the first day of Spring. I really only had enough time to call S before the intensity required my full focus. Within the hour J, M, & S showed up. I was aware, but these contractions were all consuming. I labored on the toilet some, but mostly spent the first hour swaying while leaning over my bathroom sink. I have no idea why this was what I needed, but it was. Somewhere thereafter I got in the pool, and became slightly more aware. This was not a fun labor, and even though the water helped tremendously, these contractions were super intense for just 2 hours of active laboring. Sometime during the next hour I almost lost my nose ring in the pool, but didn’t, someone called the photographer, shout out to Happy Baby Birth Photography, she is an absolute gem and a genuine soul, and I was having a baby. Almost. I moved freely in the water, but was all too aware of the people surrounding me, my children whom I love and wanted to be present for this but needed out of my face at the moment, and my in laws in the living room tending to them. People were supporting me, providing counter pressure as needed, but mostly giving me the space to do what I needed to do, which was exactly what I wanted, and needed. Then, after just 3 hours of labor, Ava Simone came into this world. A literal angel. Truly just the most serene being, her face is still that ethereal today. Her entrance was beautiful and swift, without fuss. I don’t even remember who caught her, I was exhausted. Long labors are very intense. I’ve attended them, and I’ve had one. Short labors mess you up in an entirely different way. Going from 0 to 100 is thrilling, but also powerfully overwhelming. She was unfortunately separated from me for just over 3 hours. She was safe in her daddy’s arms, meeting her siblings, and receiving so much love while I labored with her brother. That being said, to this day she is my Stage 5 Clinger, as if deep within her she’s paying me back from handing her off just after birth! Still, for that brief moment I was in awe, and in love. I kissed that beautiful angel, then immediately felt the urge to push.

The Birth of Ephraim Matteo

Imagine handing off your newborn daughter without latching her for the first time, or staring into her perfect face. But doing so willingly, because yourbody literally doesn’t care, it’s ready to expel an entirely different person. I wanted someone to take her because I needed to move, to get this child out of me. I got out of the pool, and this is where I do an even worse job of accurately portraying this story. I was feeling the urge to push, but there was no baby. Let me say this again, there was no baby. He was just, you know, chillin. My body was not. I labored peacefully throughout Ava’s birth, less so with Ephraim. It was loud and without pause, I was exhausted. At some point J remembers seeing the first dogwood blooming in the forest behind my house. I don’t care who or what you believe in, trees are alive and their blooms are evidence of that life. If you’re a believer of TMT(The Most High, God, the Father, whatever you call Him) you may know that dogwoods are said to be stunted and twisted in their growth, due to a curse God put on them after their wood was used to build the cross Christ was nailed to. The blossoms are four petaled, two long and two short, forming the shape of the cross. The flowers are typically white or pink with dark edging at the tips meant to signify the nails of the cross. The center of the blossom can be described as a crown of thorns and is also typically of a darker color than the rest of the blossom. Maybe that is all coincidence, purely fabricated, but I believe that everything in birth, and in life is divinely ordained. Even though I don’t remember that moment, I’m grateful to have learned of it. My midwives took over my thinking for me at that point, I was thrilled. See, this is why women need to have the final say in how their birth goes. Not your freebirthing neighbor, your OB, your cousin with 4 scheduled cesareans, or your doula. Deep down within us, we carry the knowledge to do this beautiful work. The more in tune we are with our bodies and our babies, the less we consider outside voices, the better chances we have at giving ourselves what we need in birth. I knew I wanted midwives in attendance, I didn’t want to be responsible for a thing beyond bringing these babies earthside. At this point, I was starting to wonder whether my son was even coming, or not. Like, are we wrapping this thing up now and trying again later? No. I must press on, to avoid a cesarean, mother F! My son was comfortable. Our vitals were strong, but I was kind of pissed. Two hours into what I thought was my pushing stage, I was moving, intent on getting a happy baby out around two placentas and a bag of water. I’m working. If you’ve ever pushed a baby out, in some cases with an epidural but especially unmedicated, you know what it’s like for your body to act entirely on it’s own and overtake you. You have little say in the matter, and it’s almost a relief to feel them descend and frankly, GTFO. That feeling was absent. There was no baby, I was pushing out nothing. I mean, it was something, but we didn’t know what I was I feeling, except that it was NOT a head. It was exhausting and frustrating and lasted almost 2 hours. Someone gave me a smoothie, that smoothie saved me! I got a much needed boost of energy, and we tried many, many positions. M busted out the birthing stool, we did some lunges, they looked for the baby, there was an arm in me…yes, I’m a beast. I think I yelled F, really loud. It was worth it, I’m fine, I wanted to know where my kid was, we all did! Birth is divine, I promise you. I see it, I’ve lived it, and I know it in my soul. Sometime around the 3 hour mark, I believe a second round of side-laying later, my waters broke, all over J. Sweet relief! Kind of, there was still the matter of birthing the baby, and the placentas. Around half an hour, and some other fun positions to do while birthing your second baby in a 7 hour period later, I felt his head. Someone shouted “Hallelujah”, someone called him an asshole, rightfully so, and he came charging out, fist over face! Everything after that was a messy blur of placentas and clean-up, but I was mostly trying to meet my babies. I did it. I did this great big, powerful thing that women are made to fear everyday, and it wasn’t really that difficult! One of the moments, immediately postpartum, that stands out the most to me is the first time I went to the bathroom. I stood up, without 2 babies, waters, and placentas in the way my organs had room they hadn’t had in many months! When I stood up, everything went down. It felt like my insides were going to fall out and the only thing holding them in was the loose flesh of my stomach, and the hands that cradled it. It was really terrifying, it took my breathe away, but I was reminded of what my body had just went through, and done for the last almost 40 weeks, and I carefully shuffled to the toilet for my first, glamorous pee. I still remember the smell of peppermint as I sat there trying to encourage urination with S. It’s the little things, ya’ll.

What was I thinking planning this?

Our first tandem nursing session. I immediately noticed the difference in the intensity of their suction, Ephraim ate like every meal was his last and Ava, ironically thicker from birth and to this day, nursed as serenely as she did everything else.

Well, I was thinking I’m terrified of surgery, less so of surgical birth, but I was still certain it was not an option for me. No one was taking my babies out of my body, I would birth them. I knew I was in great health, toot my own vegan horn for that. More importantly, I was educated. I knew the risks vs benefits of intervening in twin births. More than 50% of twins are of born before 37 weeks, and I knew what the leading causes of that were. The average birth weight of full-term twins (37 weeks or later) is around 5 ½ pounds each. Ava& Ephraim were 6lbs 10 oz & 6lbs 11oz. They have stayed within a lb of each other their entire lives, thus far. Birthing twins is no different physiologically than birthing singletons, you just do it twice. Of course, this is twice as demanding on the uterus, nutritional stores, and really, your entire being. I knew my babies were di/di (dichorionic & diamniotic) meaning they each had their own placenta and amniotic sac. This is this best outcome for twins when planning a home birth, as there are less associated risks. I did a TON of research, as well as collected anecdotal data within groups of thousands of multiple mothers, vegan groups as well! I had faith in the three incredible midwives who were supporting me, and more importantly I had absolute trust in my body. This was the best choice for me, and my babies. Every birth, baby, and mother are different, I encourage you to do to what is best for YOU and YOURS. This day absolutely changed my life. My previous home birth was beautiful, easy even! This required more. Above all else, faith, then strength, will, love, trust and vulnerability. There are few things please me more as a woman than beating every statistic and stereotype associated with my race and lifestyle choices, except helping other women successfully do the same.

Who I grew to knew as I formed them in the womb, they became hearthside, it's been magical to bear witness to it.